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letting life unfold & learning to relax

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Tension is who you think you should be.  Relaxation is who you are.

~ Chinese Proverb

It’s been 17 days since I checked Facebook, and I haven’t missed it at all.  Well, I’ve missed staying connected to my Inside Out & Mothering with heART communities – that is for sure, but the act of reaching for my phone to check it throughout the day – that I don’t miss.

I recognize how Facebook adds noise to my life.  Before I know it I can easily get caught up in a flurry of distraction as I’m commenting on my friend’s posts, or getting worked up about an article on GMO’s, or wasting time reading about the top 10 tips for getting my body into swimsuit shape.  Ugh.

Sometimes I feel like logging into Facebook is like stepping into the restless minds of everyone we meet throughout the day.  So much noise. Will I get back on Facebook?  Sure.  It’s how I stay connected to so many dear friends from around the world.  I love that we can all communicate in that way.  It’s just nice to take a step back and become more mindful of how things, even ones we enjoy, can add clutter to our lives.

I have so enjoyed this month of unplugging.  I’ve spent a lot of time at the pool with the boys.  This is the first year that my oldest is picking up the whole swimming thing.  What a joy to watch his joy as he discovers how much fun it is to swim.

At the pool I’ve noticed some parents pushing their kids, almost forcing them, to learn how to swim. These are young kids, too.  Now I’m all for gently guided our children past their comfort zone.  What I’m talking about in particular is yelling – lots of yelling and demanding and even threatening. I heard one mom yell at her son who wasn’t listening to his swim teacher, “If you don’t do what she asks you I will make you do bobs and back floats for 30 minutes in the bathtub tonight!”

Watching my own kids pick up swimming, I am reminded that kids, like pretty much everything else in life, unfold in their own time.  We can’t force them to swim, just as we can’t force our present situation to be anything other than it is.  Pushing, yelling, demanding…doesn’t make them learn to swim any faster, nor does it make life go our way.

We try to control things.  We try to control others.  We are scared when life isn’t going according to plan.

Sometimes I watch how these parents push their kids and I wonder, should I be doing that too? I feel an inner tension creep up as I question, am I not pushing my kids hard enough?  But then…that day comes, when they just get it.  Yes, exposing them to the water has helped.  Signing them up for swim lessons has helped.  Gently guiding them through their fears has helped.  And practicing patience has helped, too.

So often we think we can grasp life – take hold of it – and force it to be a certain way.  But the more I walk down a spiritual path the more I learn that it’s when I let go and relax that life presents itself in a new way.  That when I let things unfold in their own timing, (like when I back off and let my kids be who they are), the shift takes place.

And you know what all that grasping and forcing does?  It sucks the joy out of the present moment! These parents that I see yelling at their kids – I don’t see them having any fun!

As I continue to slow down and savor the precious, simple moments, I have a newfound patience with myself (and my kids), which in turns adds a deeper sense of relaxation to my life.

Rather than jumping into the next project (or hopping onto Facebook) to keep myself busy (or fill up space) when I’m feeling like I should be doing something else, I’m sitting with the restless feelings.  I’m observing them.  And it’s in that space of observation that I see the beauty and the lessons that come from being more present and in the moment.  And the beauty that comes from letting things…unfold.

Slowing down feels really good.

As hard as it can be sometimes.

Watching my kids unfold in their own time feels amazing.

Even when I wonder if I’m doing enough.

Everything has its own timing.

We can’t force the kids to learn when they aren’t ready.  We can’t make life change before doing the work.

What we can do is be kind – to others and ourselves.  We can relax and lighten up.  We can step into the flow of the present moment by slowing down, eliminating distractions and simplifying our days.  We can stop filling up the space when we feel restless, and instead, just observe our feelings without reacting.  We can feel the ease that happens when we let go of the tension, embrace patience and learn to relax.

So let go.
Breathe, smile and soften.
And let your life (and others) unfold…

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Your Personal Reflection:

Become an observer of yourself today.  What’s causing tension in your life?  Are you resisting the present moment or trying to force something to be other than it already is?  Can you practice patience and see what it feels like to relax?

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Laugh Play Love e-course is still available. Enroll today! Visit HERE to learn more.

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savoring slow as an act of self-care

happy-summer

Slow down and enjoy life.  It’s not only the scenery you miss by going too fast – you also miss the sense of where you are going and why.

~ Eddie Cantor

I love the long days, warm sun and fresh air that summer brings.  The invitation to play, relax and have fun is in the air, but in a world that is in constant forward motion, it’s hard sometimes to not get overwhelmed by the rushed pace of life.

So instead, I choose to slow down.  That truly is the gift of summer.

Slowing down is the best gift you can give yourself when we are feeling overwhelmed.
Heck, it’s a great gift to enjoy every day of your life!

Slowing down reminds you about the importance of recharging, taking breaks, relaxing and lightening up.  It allows you to listen, to really listen to the messages in your heart.  A slower pace creates space and in that space you can reflect on what’s working in your life, what isn’t and make slow, mindful changes along the way.

I’m noticing that when I slow down, I start to see my life differently.  The things that I seem to think are urgent and stressful, well, they just don’t seem as bad when I’m savoring a slower pace.  The need to check off the “to do” list becomes less important and self-care, rest and honoring my energy get my attention.

Slowing down helps me stay connected to an inner peace that helps me better deal with the ups and downs in the day – like when the kids are having melt-downs, or when the kitchen sink is piled up with dirty dishes (again!), or when I’m starting to well up with frustration when I can’t seem to find time to write a blog post except late after the kids have gone to bed.

Slowing down helps me remember…it’s all going to be ok.

Today I’m sharing with you that I’m being more intentional about slowing down for the rest of summer and ways I plan on savoring it.

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Here’s what savoring slow looks like to me this summer:
1)  Unplugging

For the month of July I’ve decided to take a break from Facebook and any other Internet surfing that can easily cause distraction.  I’m feeling a deep desire to stay focused on things high on my priority list right now (like writing my new e-course) so taking a break from other time-stealers is a must.

2)  Limiting Photo Taking

Do I really need 5,000 photos of my kids at the park?  I’m giving my iPhone camera a much needed break.  Less photos mean less clutter added to my computer.

3) Tackling Lingering Projects

So you know those photos I mentioned?  My iPhoto is about to explode and I still don’t have my beloved 7-years worth of baby photos printed. I’m going to use some of my free time printing, deleting and savoring my favorite baby photos because it’s been on my mind way too long.  No expectations – just a fun project that I will work on…slowly.

4) Relaxing

When you get in the habit of always doing, it’s hard to not feel like you should be doing something at every moment.  When I feel that restlessness come over me and my mind thinks, I should be doing something, I’m reminding myself to relax.  Savoring slow helps me reconnect to my breath and feel more relaxed.

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5)  Being silly; Having fun

My kids are silly.  They put underwear on their heads.  They run around and dance naked.  They stuff food in their face.  They belly laugh and pillow fight and wrestle.  I can be silly, but I think I can definitely benefit from being silly more often.  Afternoon dance parties are one of our favorite ways to reconnect after rest time and if you’ve ever danced with 3 boys under the age of 8 you can be silly real quick.  When I’m in a rushed place, I can easily miss out on these moments.  Savoring slow helps me stay more present and connected to what really matters!

6) Eating Slowly and Sitting Down

I make most of our meals from scratch and that’s a lot of work. Sometimes I make the kid’s breakfast and then continue prepping our meals for the rest of the day.  I enjoy my mornings a little more when I make time to sit down and eat breakfast together, or enjoy a quiet cup of hot coffee by myself – depending on what I need most. Sometimes we make meals together.  Sometimes it takes longer when the kids are involved, but when you are savoring slow, you find these moments usually turn out pretty special (and become the ones you remember most).

7) Protecting Downtime

I’m planning a lot less and keeping our days more open for spontaneity, art, journaling and just plain old downtime.  We have our “out breath” activities of the day, but savoring slow and soaking up summer for me is about making sure we all get adequate downtime.

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8) Honoring a Morning & Evening Ritual

Taking a morning walk, drinking lemon water, journaling and setting an intention for a day of going slow is my focus this month.  This means going to sleep a little earlier and preparing for a peaceful sleep by sitting quietly before bed.

9)  Letting Go

Some days I feel like sleeping in.  Some days I just don’t have the energy to make meals from scratch.  Some days I want to pack up a fast picnic, I don’t want the kids involved and I’d rather get the food ready instead of sitting down for breakfast.  The point is…letting go of rigid rules, “must do’s” or “should’s” is the true gift of slowing down. This goes back to “Relax and Breathe”.  Being kind to yourself and honoring your energy and the mood of the house goes a long way.

Savoring Slow Summer ReadingMy friend Shawn, creator of The Abundant Mama Project, is celebrating the launch of her book, The Abundant Mama’s Guide to Savoring Slow, now released in paperback.

Her book is beautiful and offers such lovely inspiration on how to intentionally seek out slower moments in your every day.

Shawn gathered some of her favorite bloggers for her Savoring a Slow Day book tour, and I’m happy to be a part of it!  You can visit the other wonderful blogger’s posts HERE.

If you want to stay connected over the summer, feel free to email me or visit me on Instagram.  I’ll see you back on Facebook in August!  (And you can still sign up for Laugh Play Love!)

Wishing you a beautiful season of slow…

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registration for Laugh Play Love now open!

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Registration for my NEW e-course, Laugh Play Love, is NOW open.  Join us and invite more laughter, playfulness and love into your daily life.

And not to worry – the course will be up for the next 3 months, so you will have PLENTY of time to dive in at your own pace.

So what are you waiting for?

Enroll for Laugh Play Love by visiting HERE.

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when it rains it floods (& new e-course!)

the sun comes back

The sun does eventually come out again and once the clouds part the landscape is more vibrant and alive.

~ Shannon Kinney-Düh

You know the saying, when it rains it pours?  Well in my case the past few weeks, when it rains it floods.

The Sunday before last, we woke up to a flooded basement.  On the positive side, there were only a few inches of water and all that got ruined was the carpet. Part of our basement is the laundry room and storage and the majority of the space is refinished – it’s where the kids play, where we watch movies and where my husband’s office is.  It’s one of the only areas in this house that we (my husband did all the work) fully fixed up (in the three years we’ve lived here).

The other positive is that since we’ve been on a “reduce clutter, create space” kick over the last several years, we don’t have any boxes in our storage room, the storage we do have is in plastic bins and everything is off the floor.  Other than some blankets that were waiting to be washed, nothing else had to be pulled out of the water.

The carpet excavation company came that same day, ripped out the carpets, left us with fans and handled other precautions throughout the week.  Everything has dried up nicely; the basement foundation is in great shape and no mold.  Even the custom cabinets can stay. Woo hoo.

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Playing in the basement before “the flood”.

All in all we lucked out.  Or we were somewhat prepared.  And I think that’s what I learned from this experience.  The importance of preparation – clearing out the stuff you no longer need or like having a good insurance plan.  The importance of not being attached to stuff – it’s all just stuff and in the end – it’s there for a short bit and then it goes away.  The importance of having an emergency fund – because there’s still a deductible that you have to pay when things happen – and things always happen. And the importance of having a sense of humor – because sometimes if you can’t laugh about it you might as well go insane.

Some of the other things that happened during the flood:  our riding mower died (had to put more money towards a new one), my husband found out some health warnings (in addition to some we found out a few months ago) and a family friend and former co-worker passed away.  A lot at once.

Did I feel defeated?

Absolutely.

Did I cry?

A time or two.

Did I drop the kids off at my mom’s one morning just so I could pick up my favorite food and go sit in a dark theater watching a movie (I LOVE going to movies alone, by the way)?

Oh, yes I did and it was awesome.

Have I felt unsettled?

Yep.  All the toys that usually have a place in the basement have been all over the house – Legos on the dining room table, library books on the back porch, train set thrown across the living room floor.  My husband had to move his computer to my art room table.  Feeling a bit…cramped.

Do I crave order?

YES.

Am I feeling completely grateful that I have another day on this earth?

A MILLION TIMES for sure.

I have gone through a wave of emotions.  And if I let my mind run crazy with “what if’s” and “how are we going to” and “why me” and “will we ever get ahead” thoughts – then I probably would let the feelings of overwhelm completely consume me.

But I can’t.

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Because here’s what I’ve learned about life so far:
* Everything changes.  The good times, the bad times – they come and go.
* Going with the flow and staying flexible in the midst of changes just feels better.
* Letting go of the past, being in the present moment, while preparing for the future makes the ride more enjoyable.
* Asking for help, finding support and receiving that love is just as powerful as giving.
* Laughter helps.
* Dancing helps.
* Relaxing, breathing and lightening up all help.
* Sitting alone in a dark theater watching a great movie totally helps.
* And focusing on the gratitude reminds you that even in the midst of the chaos, the storm, the floods…you have your breath, you have much to be grateful for AND there really is beauty once the storm clears.
There’s always an opportunity alongside the challenge – even if it’s hard to see it at the time.  The storm will clear again.

When you are moving through the flood, don’t give up.  Your life is too precious and your gifts are needed in the world.

We need you.

So get some rest when you need to.  Drink more water.  Eat well and nourish your soul.  Ask for help and FULLY RECEIVE the goodness that others are so open and willing to give you.

LAUGH more.
PLAY more.
And LOVE your life along the way…

(See below to learn about my new e-course – Registration is now open!)

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This summer, I’m going on a journey to awaken creativity…and I want you to join me.

I’ve created a new course and I’m excited to announce it to you – my Free Spirit Life family. (By the way, you can take this course even if it’s not summer in your part of the world!)

 

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I’ve been busy…filling this course with rich content to help you connect with your inner heart and explore seven vital areas of your life at your own pace. There’s no timeline, no pressure. Just great lessons you can savor and enjoy over and over.

There’s something special here for both beginners and graduates of Inside Out. You’ll find the balance and connection you need to create a life where you can freely laugh, play and love.

Please click HERE to learn more about Laugh Play Love.
I hope you’ll join me. Let’s fill this summer with joy!
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step out of the every day to see the beauty in your life

beauty-in-the-weeds

I yelled.

I couldn’t take it anymore.

The noise, that is.

It was naptime after all.  It was the one time in the day when I get to enjoy QUIET.  It’s when I don’t have to answer questions every 10 seconds or “look, look, look, mommy look” at every little thing going on in the back seat of the car.

I couldn’t take it anymore.

On the drive to pick up his big brother, he wanted to listen to music.  I wanted to listen to a podcast. He wanted to talk. I wanted silence.  The toddler wanted to kick his big brother and make him scream.  I wanted them both to be asleep ALREADY!

After I lost it…I looked in the rearview mirror and saw those big tears swell up in his eyes.  Yes, it had been a stressful moment.  Yes, I had been “on” way too many days (and nights) in a row with no breaks.  Yes, I was feeling exhausted and I was gripping, clinging, CRAVING a “car nap” so I could zone out and recharge before picking up the 1st grader.

But I hated that I yelled and made him cry.  I pulled over.  We talked.  We hugged.  I said I was sorry.  “Even mommies get frustrated sometimes.”  We rebooted and off we went, now in the rain.

They didn’t nap.

I didn’t get the quiet.  But I did learn from my own outburst that it was time for a break.

And so…today…I took that break. I went to a kickboxing class and then walked around the farmer’s market (one of my favorite places) alone.

It felt amazing.  And this new sense of LOVE filled up all of my senses.

Seriously, I don’t know if I was high from working out or the fresh veggies made me gaga, but my senses were heightened.  I was completely present as I noticed the fresh strawberries and the greens.  I smelled the herbs.  I watched the farmers smiling as they sold their freshly picked food.  I saw the mom walking the market with her teenage son.  I saw the beautiful pregnant woman anticipating the birth of her new baby. I thought about my sons, at home with their daddy, and then the tears flowed.

This time tears of complete joy and gratitude. There is just so much beauty in the world.

Taking a break helped me reconnect to the amazing beauty that is in my life (that’s hard to see through tired eyes sometimes).  I’m grateful for my life.  I’m grateful for the gift of being a mom.  I’m grateful for all the imperfect moments of this journey, because every day it teaches me something new about life.

Life isn’t perfect.
Life as a mother isn’t perfect either.

We lose it sometimes.  The noise never ends.  And the mess…well let’s not get started on that.

But that’s ok.  We are doing the best that we can.  And our best is good enough.

Feel the gratitude in your heart.  And get a moment to step away from your daily life.  Because when you take a break from the every day, you remember…there is beauty in the noise, the mess, the chaos, the freak out moments and the tears.

There really is beauty, even in the weeds.

Your Personal Reflection:

Are you in need of a break?  Listen to what you need most in this moment.  What are you most grateful for?  Can you see the beauty around you, even in the chaos?

HAPPY MOTHER’S DAY!

Enjoy a few of my past posts:  Let Go of Distractions & Be Together and Dear Mom.  And if you haven’t see it yet, here’s the music video I created with my brother and sister:  Being a Mom.

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when you feel like you don’t belong

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You may not control all the events that happen to you, but you can decide not to be reduced by them.

~ Maya Angelou

I went to a party recently and old feelings of not being “part of the group” came up.

Do you ever feel that way?

Have you ever been in a group but feel like you don’t really belong?  Or that you are on the outside looking in? Or that you just don’t fit in?

Those are the feelings that came up after trying to talk with someone at the party who puts off this vibe that she doesn’t want to talk to me.  This wasn’t the first time I’ve tried talking with her and I leave the conversation feeling the same way every time.

My old self may have obsessed about this experience with thoughts like, What is wrong with me?  Why doesn’t she like me?

It felt quite liberating that when those old feelings did indeed come up, I was able to laugh (not instantly, but soon after) and remind myself, Shan, not everyone needs to like you.  And just because she doesn’t want to talk to you doesn’t mean there is anything wrong with you.

I was happy to see that rather than obsessing about it for days and wondering What can I do to make her like me?, I was able to realize that it’s not me, it’s her thing.  I was able to let those negative thoughts go and stay grounded and kind towards myself (and her).  Instead of letting my mind call her names or talk badly about myself, I simply became aware of the emotional trigger.  Old feelings of “not being good enough” crept in, and yet, I let those feelings come – and here’s the big thing – I let those feelings go.

So often we experience highs and lows in our day.  We meet a variety of people.  Some we click with and some we don’t.  And it’s so easy to focus on the lows or the difficult people.  The highs feel good.  When you are feeling great and you are in your comfort zone or surrounded by your peeps – ah – easy.  But when you are feeling insecure or find yourself in a new experience – ugh – it can be tough sometimes.

It sucks when you feel like you don’t “fit in”.

It hurts when it feels like others are deliberately excluding you.

Making assumptions about what the other person is thinking or feeling doesn’t help the situation. It’s good to speak up when you need to, especially when you want clarification or find yourself in a situation where someone isn’t treating you kindly.

When we worry about stuff that happens and can’t LET IT GO…that takes up mental and emotional space (and often times physical – look around your house – what stuff are you still holding onto?). The space in our minds or in our hearts (or in our homes) gets filled up with negative thinking and old habits (or junk) that ultimately creates blocks (and dust).  It becomes quite draining.

Those mental and emotional blocks depletes our vital energy.

Stop worrying about what others think of you.  You won’t always feel like you belong.  And that’s ok. You will find your tribe.  In the meantime, don’t change yourself to “fit in” but rather, be yourself.  And be kind to yourself along the way.

Let it go.

Let it go.

Let it go.

Becoming yourself is part of the journey.  Embrace who you are.  Who you really are.  You are complete and whole and imperfect and that’s what makes you…YOU.

Your Personal Reflection:

Are you wasting your time and energy obsessing about the past?  Or worrying about what others think of you?  What negative thoughts or old habits are depleting your vital energy?  Take a moment to observe something in your life that you are ready to let go of.  Take a deep breath.  Exhale.  Close your eyes.  Smile softly.

And remember, you are enough.  
It’s time to let your inner beauty out into the world.

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your life is an adventure

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We never quite know where our life path will take us next.
Get your helmet on and as best you can…enjoy the ride.
Your Personal Reflection:

Adventures can be exhilarating, but the unknown of what’s to come can be really scary.  What part of the adventure are you on today?  Are you feeling excited about the new things emerging in your life?  Or are you scared as hell?  A little of both?

What can you do – in this moment – to prepare for the adventure you’re on and to face the fear of not knowing how it will unfold?

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finding love in the present moment

love in the present moment

You can listen to this blog post by clicking below.

He looked at me.  He deeply looked into my eyes.  So much so, that it stopped me in all my rushing about.

He drew me in.

Eye-to-eye, there we were, staring back at each other.  As though we were looking into each other’s souls.

Holding each other.  Loving each other.

He didn’t look away.  He barely blinked.  He smiled softly.  My eyes filled with tears.
I didn’t look away.  I barely blinked.  I smiled softly.  And time froze.

Right then and there, when my 4-year-old asked me to hold him like I did when he was a baby, I was sucked into the vortex of the present moment.

In that moment – nothing else mattered.

The laundry piles.  The dirty dishes.  The I-HAVE-SO-MUCH-TO-DO mantra that I tend to yell at myself inside my head…it all went away.  It completely vanished.

What mattered – in that moment – was feeling, sensing and breathing…the LOVE my child and I were feeling for each other and for our life.

My sweet, 3-foot teacher, reminded me of the importance of stopping…of slowing down…of paying attention.

The importance of connecting.

The importance of being.

In that very moment, the one my soul will never forget, I remembered that it is possible to reconnect to inner peace, joy and love even when outer world is rushing by.

In all the hustle and the busyness, connecting to the present moment is possible, and when we do…we realize magic is happening all around us.
We just got to slow down enough to see it…

Your Personal Reflection:

Stop.  Look around you.  Listen.

Become more aware of how often you let “phantom stress” or feelings of overwhelm keep you from experiencing and appreciating the present moment.  It is possible to not let overwhelm and stress keep you from living a more peaceful life.  Notice the next time you let your “to do” list keep you from slowing down and deeply connecting to the people in your life.

What can you do – TODAY – to feel the love in the present moment?

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when it feels overwhelming, return to your breath

Feelings come and go like clouds in a windy sky. Conscious breathing is my anchor.

~ Thích Nhãt Hanh

Life throws us some curve balls.  It’s not always smooth sailing.

What do you do when you are caught up in the swirl of stress and overwhelming feelings in your life?

Sometimes, I simply FREAK OUT.

I yell. I cry. I feel like giving up.

And then, I remember, it’s all going to be ok.

Let yourself feel the feelings that arise when you are freaking out.  When you’re not quite sure what to do, return to your breath.

Your breath is a gift.  And it’s a powerful tool that you can use when you feel stressed out.

I’ve made this short video for you to share how I use the mantra, BREATH, as a reminder when moving through the tougher moments in life.
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Click HERE to download your own copy of the Return to Your Breath reminder.  To find an affirmation that resonates with you, check out Affirm Your Life.

Hang in there.
You’re doing great.

Love,

Shannon

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learning how to shed self-doubt

making my story video

This is me, making my latest video, while the kids watched an episode of Daniel Tiger’s Neighborhood.  One take, unedited and thankfully I had the stuffed sheep as my sit-in so I could set the focus!  It’s all a part of being a mom

Are you in need of some quiet or inspiration or a boost to your energy? Take a few minutes to watch the video I made just for YOU.

In the video I share part of my story, what brought me to this moment and why I created A Free Spirit Life and Inside Out: A Creative Adventure of Self-Discovery.

I share how I’m learning to shed outward distractions, negative thinking and old habits. I share how I let self-doubt grip me for years. And how I learned to release those inner fears so I stopped believing “I wasn’t good enough” and started embracing a life that is truly unlimited.

You can overcome the obstacles keeping you stuck.
You can learn to embrace the mess and imperfections.
You can find more joy, peace, and happiness in your daily life.
You can live more connected to your intuition and creativity.
You can learn to trust and follow your heart and how to find your inner courage.
You can learn how to break free of fear so you can leap towards a bold, abundant life.

I’m still learning.
I’m still stumbling and fumbling and tripping along the way.
Let’s do it together.

Watch the video to learn more of what has helped change my life from one gripped with fear, to one that’s like…what the hell…let’s go for it.

What is going really well in your life?
What are the habits that keep repeating?

What are you ready to break free from?

Email me and share a little of YOUR story.  I want to hear from you!

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