Truth isn’t always beauty, but the hunger for it is. -Nadine Gordimer 

Ok…the last two weeks have been weird for me.  I’ve felt strange, confused, frustrated, overjoyed, excited, agitated and at peace.  Here’s what I’ve noticed most…giving up TV and reducing our grocery and entertainment budget has brought up a new set of reflections for me, like – What does it mean to feel deprived of something?  Where does this lack come from?  And probably the toughest one of all…What am I hungry for?
The more mindful I become of what I spend and how I spend it – both what I spend financially and how I spend my time – the more I’m starting to recognize my patterns of fulfilling a hunger that can’t be fed by the external world.  When I come from a place of lack, and feel like I can’t have something because I don’t have enough money or I can’t do something because I don’t have enough time, then I find myself wallowing in a place of deprivation
The definition of deprive is to keep from possessing or enjoying.  Why would I intentionally keep myself from enjoying my life?  I know that I can live fully in the experiences of my life despite any amount of money or time I may have.  Living in a place of deprivation is now my past.  I believe that I can choose grace, gratitude and abundance over lack, not having enough and deprivation.

So as I recognize these tendencies, I will continue practicing mindful spending – how I spend my money and how I spend my time.  I will watch my mind that tries to talk me into spending money on things I don’t need, just so that it can fulfill its old way of being.  I will refrain from spending more time on the computer now that my TV is shut off.   I will stop limiting my inner self.  And when I feel like I’m slipping to a place of feeding feelings of lack, I’ll continue to ask the question, “What is it that I’m truly hungry for?”

Your Personal Reflection:  What are you hungry for?

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