You may not control all the events that happen to you, but you can decide not to be reduced by them.
~ Maya Angelou
I went to a party recently and old feelings of not being “part of the group” came up.
Do you ever feel that way?
Have you ever been in a group but feel like you don’t really belong? Or that you are on the outside looking in? Or that you just don’t fit in?
Those are the feelings that came up after trying to talk with someone at the party who puts off this vibe that she doesn’t want to talk to me. This wasn’t the first time I’ve tried talking with her and I leave the conversation feeling the same way every time.
My old self may have obsessed about this experience with thoughts like, What is wrong with me? Why doesn’t she like me?
It felt quite liberating that when those old feelings did indeed come up, I was able to laugh (not instantly, but soon after) and remind myself, Shan, not everyone needs to like you. And just because she doesn’t want to talk to you doesn’t mean there is anything wrong with you.
I was happy to see that rather than obsessing about it for days and wondering What can I do to make her like me?, I was able to realize that it’s not me, it’s her thing. I was able to let those negative thoughts go and stay grounded and kind towards myself (and her). Instead of letting my mind call her names or talk badly about myself, I simply became aware of the emotional trigger. Old feelings of “not being good enough” crept in, and yet, I let those feelings come – and here’s the big thing – I let those feelings go.
So often we experience highs and lows in our day. We meet a variety of people. Some we click with and some we don’t. And it’s so easy to focus on the lows or the difficult people. The highs feel good. When you are feeling great and you are in your comfort zone or surrounded by your peeps – ah – easy. But when you are feeling insecure or find yourself in a new experience – ugh – it can be tough sometimes.
It sucks when you feel like you don’t “fit in”.
It hurts when it feels like others are deliberately excluding you.
Making assumptions about what the other person is thinking or feeling doesn’t help the situation. It’s good to speak up when you need to, especially when you want clarification or find yourself in a situation where someone isn’t treating you kindly.
When we worry about stuff that happens and can’t LET IT GO…that takes up mental and emotional space (and often times physical – look around your house – what stuff are you still holding onto?). The space in our minds or in our hearts (or in our homes) gets filled up with negative thinking and old habits (or junk) that ultimately creates blocks (and dust). It becomes quite draining.
Those mental and emotional blocks depletes our vital energy.
Stop worrying about what others think of you. You won’t always feel like you belong. And that’s ok. You will find your tribe. In the meantime, don’t change yourself to “fit in” but rather, be yourself. And be kind to yourself along the way.
Let it go.
Let it go.
Let it go.
Becoming yourself is part of the journey. Embrace who you are. Who you really are. You are complete and whole and imperfect and that’s what makes you…YOU.
Your Personal Reflection:
Are you wasting your time and energy obsessing about the past? Or worrying about what others think of you? What negative thoughts or old habits are depleting your vital energy? Take a moment to observe something in your life that you are ready to let go of. Take a deep breath. Exhale. Close your eyes. Smile softly.